she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
