I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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