call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
