Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
