A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
