i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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