Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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