hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
