The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
