Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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