I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
