my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sorry about my life...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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