I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
