Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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