Jerry, you need to find god
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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