hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dick very happy bro
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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