I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
