Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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