How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
