Plan B is the new Plan A
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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