everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
