Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
