bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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