I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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