I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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