i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.