Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
