she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often