'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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