You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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