She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
