So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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