Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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