Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I love you. Go after that dick
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
