I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
