You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
