I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
