This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
