I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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