Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
