so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
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The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
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YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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