I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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