So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
