Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
