so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
