You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
