I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
