we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
