nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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