Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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