You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
