Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
