she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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