i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
