We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
