I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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