Houston, we have a blender
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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