today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
