If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
