I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
