Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Porn is love you can see.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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