oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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