Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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