Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
