so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
