Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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