I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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