She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
