her vagine was all disorganized.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am one with the molecules
A+ Viking dick
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