Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
