Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize
