He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
