I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
