I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
