Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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