cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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