so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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