Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
